I Do Not Think I am Speaking Portuguese

The tasks I perform daily in my current workstation in life are really not that difficult.  Considering that I graduated with an English degree and not a "how to buy industrial equipment" degree, I would say that I've adapted quite well.  Unfortunately, while I have adapted, it seems that some who have been in this business for years have still not mastered simple tasks such as providing me with the information I need to handle whatever issue it is that they are asking me to handle. 

I realize this is common and not at all an anomaly in many workplaces and in all types of careers.  However, it boggles my mind to think that, por ejemplo, I could call, say, Verizon up and this be the content of the conversation: 

Verizon: This is Meow-Meow, may I help you?

Me:  Why yes, yes you can.  I'd like to get 500 working cell phones and I'll need them by tomorrow.

V:  Why of course.  Can you tell me what service you currently have?

Me:  No.

V:  Are you saying you do not currently have wireless service?

Me:  I don't know.

V:  Do you have a mobile phone that you are using currently?

Me:  Why yes! 

V:  Great, can you give me that phone number?

Me:  No. 

V:  We can try to move forward without that.  What is your residence zip code?

Me:  I don't know that either.

I think you get the picture. 
This seems to be the type of email communication I have every day.  Order this, get that, no I don't know where to buy it or how much it is or whether or not IT EVEN EXISTS.  So thanks for the info!  Please, allow me to try and pull this non-existent whatzit out of my ass for you, because you are super special to me and I have nothing but the entirety of my day to devote to your $1500 bill of material.  This is a multi-million dollar company, and I know every single dollar counts, but YOU ARE KIND OF TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT. 

My questions regarding what I need to perform my end of the deal aren't difficult - or are they?  Maybe I need to re-examine just what is essentially difficult to understand and what's not.  I promise, I'm not trying to make it harder.  I proooommmmiissse.  What I am trying to cut down on is double-flipping-off my screen every time an email lacks necessary info. 

My fingers are sore.